This Week's Barks

Theme 3
Guest Stars, Movies, Marketing & More!

"...the votes are in, and it's time for my concession speech." -- So said Xander himself.

This past week, no one got to watch an episode (I think Felicity for 2 hours took its place), so I offered up some things to think about and ponder and..stuff. Thanks for playing, you nifty people! (er, good dingoes?)..Now, here's what y'all said:

cemetery dingochick: If I hadn't gotten hip to this nifty show,:

   I'd have a lot fewer people calling me an obsessed freaklet.
   I'd still be way wigged about interacting with folks on the net.
   I'd be on the computer a lot less.
   The WB might have cancelled it.

The Winner: I'd have a lot fewer people calling me an obsessed freaklet.

So...there are a lot of us freaklets. Ah, strength in numbers. Or possibly a mob.

The Socratic method?...

A burning question I sometimes wonder about is:

   How come Buffy and Willow don't get sugared up on mochas at Starbucks?
   What is that thing on Buffy's face?
   Did the cow touch Buffy from Thursday?
   Is Miss Barton still craving nachos?
   Whatever happened to Aura?

The Winners: Whoa! A 3-way tie for "Starbucks," "Thing on Face," and "Aura?"


The more things change, the more things are changed?

The best vampire makeup:

   Was seen in Season 1.
   Was seen in Season 2.
   Was used on Spike, in School Hard.
   Was used on the Master.

The Winner: Was used on the Master.

But it only beat the "Spike" option by one vote.

What's all this talk about Joss's being evil, or on drugs, hmm?

As he plans for new shows, Joss should:

   Get sugared up on mochas.
   Play Anywhere But Here.
   Eat plenty of goat cheese.
   Make Jonathan invite Angel to play darts.

The Winner: Make Jonathan invite Angel to play darts.

And they could pee in the pool afterwards...

Ooh. Look at us going promotional.

It's all about marketing. When are they going to make:

   Holy Eau, the new Buffy cologne?
   Angel's Blood Pork Pies?
   Willow's Pencils, for extra floaty fun.
   Spike's Sunglasses, for the ultimate in UV protection?

The Winner: Willow's Pencils, for extra floaty fun.

But they'd probably be banned on campuses everywhere!

NO EPISODE BONUS -- the title just breaks it up a little.

If they made a 2-hour Buffy movie special:

   The gang should meet up with Sabrina.
   The gang should travel to England.
   The gang should get trapped inside the Hellmouth for a year.
   The gang should share some family time with Reverend Camden and his brood.

The Winner: The gang should travel to England. On British Airways, maybe. Their ads are cool.

The next guest star on the show should be:

   Henry Winkler (aka The Fonz).
   Valerie Harper.
   Peter Falk.
   Dick Cavett.

The Winner: Henry Winkler (aka The Fonz).


The reason this Dingo Action is sorta pathetic is:

   Maybe it's the carpal tunnel?
   Hilary finished her creative thinking for the week last month.
   No inspiration.
   Pathetic? Have you looked the word up?

The Winner: No inspiration.

E, all of the above. Heh.

Create An Episode.

This week, I asked you to create an original character or simple plot line for an episode. For example, give a description of a villain or someone (you can name 'em). If you're doing a plot, it can fit in any timeline of seasons 1, 2, or what we've seen of season 3, or be a stand-alone episode. Pretty hefty task, eh? Lots of interesting responses for this week, and they were fun to read.

But first -- Standard disclaimer: Can't post 'em all. But since we were all denied an episode this week, I'm posting LOTS more than usual. Hope the authors don't mind. Some may be abridged. And again, no name, no bark byte recognition (even though I still like reading what you thought; make it easy on me and put a name on there, please! Thanks!)

The Grub said:

From a fanfic I'm working on: (Hey, I just wanna say, this is from The Grub's fic, so please don't plagiarize it! Or bear the wrath of the Fanfic Watchdogs. Thanks.)

While feeling depressed about her lack of a life and awesome responsibility, Buffy gets to meet an old Italian woman who was the slayer in the 1940's. She learns how she escaped her destiny, disappeared, and managed to get the next slayer called without dying.

OR: They need to do an episode with leprechauns.

And then maybe one about coincidences?

sarah said:

Lord Barthobumble, an ancient demon who plans to rid the earth of humans by sending out his minions dressed in black, speaking in a monotone, and displaying absolutely no emotion. This should bore the humans to death. It is discovered that the WB has been infiltrated by these creatures of evil, and this is why Angel is getting his own show. The recognise him as one of them.

From Principal Flutie:

Xander: So, okay! Get started, Buffy!
Buffy: Me? Why do *I* have to write a plotline?
Xander: Uh, because you're the Player of this Dingo Action?
Buffy: And I Played! My work here is done.
The end! "That was sort of an anticlimax."

Plain Jane said:

Ok. Buffy gets over Angel and torches him, she then realizes that she feels no remorse about it and gets sugared up on mochas merely seconds before fighting a dart-throwing hellbeast.

From George Mori:

A succubus comes to Sunnydale and starts doing people to death.

Uh..doubtful much?

Satan's Bunny said:

...Xander's new girly-girl, Anya, gets her powers back, but decides to stick around because of the serious hottage that is the Xand-man. While talking to her one evening, Xander blathers about feeling sort of helpless around the Scooby gang (refering back to "The Zeppo") and says "sometimes I wish I was the vampire slayer." Stupidly, she grants his wish, and fun ensues. I picture it as the whole gang following Xander's lead in killing off vamps, except for Giles, who hangs back and says "Something is very not right here." Buffy could be a cheerleader and be great friends with Cordy. Man, the more I think of it, the more this idea rocks! Someone get me Joss on the phone!

Wyatt's proposal:

Buffy's in another "I don't want to be the Slayer" mood, the rest of the Scooby gang is so tired of her whining that they take up the slaying full time and just ignore her. Giles directs the team who by now have enough of it down pat that they don't need to resort to witty statements to throw off the vamps' timing. Xander finds the main nest in town, uses his military knowledge to wipe out the whole lot of them, Willow casts a great binding spell to seal the Hellmouth (for now), Oz and the Band kick it up at the victory celebration (Cordy brings the dip) and everybody tells Buffy and Angel to grow up.
P.S. Peter Falk swaps cars with Giles.

Lydia said:

It would be like Doppelgangland except Giles gets sucked through a vortex and his younger "Ripper" self comes out...all hell breaks loose.

Rob said:

It would be interesting to have a teenage problem episode like they've done in the past (a.k.a. abuse in "Beauty and the Beasts"). I wrote a fanfic once that had Xander cramming so hard for SATs to prove himself to the others that he accidentally got addicted to cocaine. Instead of fighting a Hellmouth demon, the gang fought Xander's inner demon and helped him overcome the problem. It would be a total dramatic thing, really cool, although it's a little too soap-opera-ish and not horror-enough for the actual show. I just want to see Nick get some really good material to act, besides just funny-boy Xander.

Redbeard said:

I've always wanted to see a real rival for Cordy, someone who plays Cordy's games on Cordy's terms, and wins about half. "Josette" would be an early-Season 2 new student, perhaps foreign for an exotic appeal, and Cordy's equal in looks, money, and attitude. She'd be a bit smarter than Cordy to off-set Cordy's existing power base, but would use a different approach. She'd be oh-so-tactful--her cuts and digs wouldn't even sting until later when one realized what she'd actually said. She'd be adept at playing sides against each other and seeming to help everyone while really only being out for herself. Of course, she and Cordy would see through each other almost immediately, and the battle would be on!

From Entendre:

Buffy and the gang never graduate from high school and Joss and the writing team simply pretend that they are seniors over and over again.These shows always go downhill after high school graduation.

From Felicia:

...a character that might be fun for an upcoming ep would be Samantha Giles, Giles' niece. She would always wear proper attire and she would be a neat character to see because it would be nice to see some of Giles' family from England. We hardly see Giles interact with people outside of the slayer and the slayerettes.

FurryRabbits wrote:

Plot Line, Season 3: Angel, out walking, sees Cordelia trapped by a couple of vamps. Tries to save her, but too late. Cordy is now a vamp. The Scooby Gang meet in arrears. It is decided that Willow should try the spell to give Cordelia her soul back, the gypsies' curse for Angel. Giles has reservations. Faith is out for blood. Angel is guilt-ridden. Xander is speechless. Oz is a werewolf.

Yadda, yadda. Xander gets in the way, of course, of a botched spell, maturing him 5 years. He professes his love for Buffy, who has been under the same spell but it gave her Angel-amnesia. They immediately fall in love.

Finally, Willow comes through, just as Cordy-Vamp is about to ice Angel and Buffy in a fight with crossbows at an after-hours Bronze. Cordy, still a vamp, but with a soul, looks at Angel and realizes he tried to save her. "Sorry," he says. "Don't worry about it," says Cordy. She kisses Angel passionately, much to everyone's surprise.

So... at the end of the episode, it's Cordy and Angel, and Xander and Buffy -- and Willow (now triumphant at her witch powers) and a non-werewolf Oz (go figure -- he says, "I'm strangely full today." That's because he ate Faith. YAY!!!!).

It's a new Scooby Gang. Only Giles is still lonely... until.... Joyce shows up with cheesey chips.

If you want to see what Bark Bytes have come before, visit The Bark Bytes Archives or Dingo Action Archives..I forgot what I named it... Actually I remember what I named it this time. But we all know how I enjoy running gags. Be sure to take this week's Dingo Action! You could also help spread the word..what can I say, I relish having lots of visitors to the site..more barks, and all that.

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