This Week's Barks

Theme #1

(A-one and a-two and a-Oz?)

"...the votes are in, and it's time for my concession speech." -- So said Xander himself.

This past week, we were in reruns, so the dingo action focused a bit on seasons 1 and 2, with a little Oz thrown in...Thanks for playing, you nifty people! (er, good dingoes?)..Now, here's what y'all said:

dingochick: If wereOz had been in season 1, I think he should have attacked, gouged or eaten:

   Dr. Gregory.
   The Ugly Man.
   The Anointed One.
   Principal Flutie.

The Winner: The Anointed One.

Okay, I can't even believe you guys voted for Wendell, Gregory and Flutie. Sheesh! Heh. I woulda gone Ugly, myself.

So that's who Oz might have eaten. But..there's more to life than just eating. Why, there's fear...!

If Oz had been in Nightmares, his nightmare would have been:

   Getting a job.
   Never accomplishing e-flat diminished ninth.
   Losing his voice.

The Winner: Never accomplishing e-flat diminished ninth.

I really, really believe that.

Do you ever get the idea that I kinda miss Sid?

If Sid had been in season 3 instead of Faith:

   The scenes with him and the Mayor would have been priceless.
   Buffy still wouldn't have "gone wood."
   He'd have given Giles a run for the funny.

The Winner: The scenes with him and the Mayor would have been priceless.

"Imagine the possibilities."

They say you're to live life (or, I suppose, the undead?) with no regrets. Wonder if Darla had any....nah.

Darla should have:

   Stuck with kimonos.
   Used Oil of Olay for younger, smoother skin.
   Tried living off quiche.
   Invited Angel to play darts.

The Winner: Invited Angel to play darts.

Heh. Of course, then he might have felt worse about staking her...nah.

Okay, I also have a thing for the one-timers on the show...Imagine if Wendell got his own spinoff. 'fess up, you know you'd,

After Exchange Week was over, Sven probably:

   Kept in touch with Cordy.
   Took lots of little Kool Aid packets home with him.
   Decided to bag the whole English thing.
   Made it big as a calendar model.

The Winner: Took lots of little Kool Aid packets home with him.

"Bag the whole English thing.." -- I can't tell you how many times I've tried that one, myself...And yay, no one chose the Cordy option!

SEASONS 1 & 2 THEME BONUS -- the title just breaks it up a little.

After he "dated" Buffy, Owen:

   Decided he better stick with dead female poets.
   Berated himself for not getting his watch back from her.
   Secretly started hanging out at cemeteries and morgues.
   Changed his last name to Stadeel.

The Winner: Secretly started hanging out at cemeteries and morgues.

Joyce worried less about bills and more about this in season 2:

   How to get those darn blood stains out of Buffy's clothing.
   Why the gallery's no longer getting any fertility pieces.
   Why they don't have a barbecue fork.
   One-upping Hank when it comes to buying Buffy's love. I mean, clothes.

The Winner: Why they don't have a barbecue fork.

Eggbert. (heh)

If Xander could have prevented one thing from happening in seasons 1 or 2, it would have been:

   Asking Angel if he loved Buffy.
   Going to the zoo.
   Scarfing twinkies with a mummy.
   Telling Willow that his smooching Cordy didn't mean that much.

The Winner: Going to the zoo.

Or maybe almost turning into a fish? Nah, I didn't give that choice. Because I just thought of it.

Be kind, rewind. Let's say the kiss between Willow and Xander did happen in "When She Was Bad." How do you think it would have affected Season 2 (and season 2 looking to season 3 or 4 or nothin'..heh.)

Then finally, your non-dingo-guided opinion about the above hypothetical. Most of you thought it wouldn't have lasted, Xander would have mucked it up somehow. No kidding, that was the sentiment. Well, that, and a lot of stuff about hormones. I really saw a few I wanted to use, but alas, with no one to credit, I decided to bag 'em, mostly. Y'know, you can just make up a name to put on there, folks...Thanks! Now....Check out below for some of the thoughts:

But first -- Standard disclaimer: Can't post 'em all. But here're some of 'em. Hope the authors don't mind. I didn't really abridge many this week, but I put a decent number anyway.

drugal97 said: I think Xander and Willow would have become a couple, only to have Xander cheat on Willow with Cordelia. I think Cordelia would have meant nothing to him, but it would have been enough to ruin his relationship with Willow. The attraction between Xander and Cordelia has been noticeable since season one.

Ari said: I think Xander would have done that lame guy thing and tried to ignore the event all together. Then Willow would have been crushed, Xander more awkward than usual, and the Scooby gang in shambles.


Buff Daddy said: Xander would have regretted it. Willow would have loved it. Willow would have told Buffy. If Xander told Willow to not say anything about it, Buffy would have beat him up and then there would be a much more loving Xander in the second season.

..Hm...Of course, that would leave no room for an Oz character...

Kodiakke said: Less Oz! Waugh!!! Bad thing, bad thing!

No, I'm not a mind reader...although I happen to know a few of you -- Rachel (Cicely) -- wouldn't mind having no Oz at all...heh.

From Connan: ...We never would have seen Cordelia become less selfish - and show she did have a heart. We wouldn't have seen how sweet and caring and patient Oz was with Willow (being a guy I never did any of the "Awww ... how sweet" stuff, but I secretly agreed). And especially of all, "Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered" would never have happened! What would have happened? I don't know - but it could have put a rift between Willow and Buffy. Because Xander would have been attracted to Buffy again and then Willow would have even more reason to get jealous ....

Redbeard said: Xander & Willow and Angel & Buffy would've have double-dated a lot. (Anyone for bowling?) Oz would've bitten Cordelia (out of frustration at Willow being unavailable), and their shared love of a howling good time would have made them an item--until Oz got fed up with Cordelia's constant whining about "bad hair nights."

FurryRabbits said: Willow and Cordelia would have had a lot more scenes together, like maybe some cafeteria scenes with pudding... mmeow! Or maybe Cordelia would start giving Willow that Snoopy sensation...

From GypAng: ... Xander would think kisses are worse that being a hyena because all they do is ruin friendships and kill you. Oh, wait, kissing is EXACTLY like being a hyena. Wow.

Erin said: Willow would have given Spike 'n Dru a run for their obsessive money.

Hey! Kinda like The Wish, only..not.

From Rob, the heartless: Oh my GOD, my response is actually SERIOUS this week! ! I think they would have started to find a relationship and perhaps then when Oz was introduced, they would have built a love-triangle out of it. It probably would have ended with Xander and Cordy still kissing in "What's My Line" and Willow getting with Oz. Xander and Willow would have been best buds again instead of paramours, and season 2 would have wrapped up exactly as it would have had they never kissed.

Little Willow said: If it had happened, everyone in America (and portions of Canada...and quite possibly Angel's far-down-the-line relatives back in Ireland) would have heard me praising Joss many times over. Oh, and Kendra would have heard me as well over in the "unnamed British-owned Caribbean-assumed island" from whence she came and then would have come to Sunnydale SOONER - learned MORE - and not died.

Goddess Minerva observed: As much of a W/X shipper as I am, I don't think it wouldn't have lasted. They weren't ready yet... but they are now, dangit Joss!!! :)

Thanks for all your nifty observations. I have to dig this next about succinct!

Dennis said: Screwed the whole thing up.

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This page last updated on May 7, 1999.