Season 4, Episode 5 (Episode 62 of entire series)
Y'know, I can't believe I'm up here witnessing what goes on in my old town. I knew the place was wacked, but c'mon, Xander as a bartender??? And it's not even a gay bar. Dude. Whatever.
Dude, like first of all, what the hell Buffy ever saw in that guy, Sharker? Porker? Whatever his name is..is totally beyond me. And I should know, seeing as how I'm in the great beyond. I mean, yeah, he's cute and all...ooh, he kinda looks like my old pal Xander..but Buff...that guy was totally ME a few years ago. I mean, you may not remember this, but I was all about trying to put the moves on you and every other gal in school. Wanna know why? It's not a secret anymore, man..I'm gay! So here's what I'm here to tellya...that dude (shut up Sid, I know what his name is) ...Parker... is GAY. Gee. Ay. Why. I'm just sorry you had to sleep with him and moon over him without knowing this.
And then, it's like, not only do I see this, but what's up with XANDER -- still not out, dude...you shoulda had Freddy Iverson place that ad in the school paper like I toldya -- working in the college bar? What gives? A...you're too young. B, Xand, I hate to tellya, but you should really start hanging out at some of the clubs for US, if you know what I mean. You're not helping yourself any.
Plus, I just gotta say, what the hell was in that beer you served everyone, Xander? I mean, they all turned caveguy...kinda reminded me of myself a few years ago. Except I wasn't all hairy and non-verbal. Dude, this being dead thing SUCKS! I wanna know why I didn't just go somewhere...why I'm stuck in this nowhere land commenting on stuff I see you guys do every week. It's not like I'm some demon hunter like this dummy guy who keeps asking to sit on my knee. I mean I may be gay, but dude..you're like, not even a person. Like I need the splinters.
Lastly, Buffy...I gotta mention, I wanted to say, you go, girl, when you conked Boinker on the head with that club of yours. I mean, I remember when you shoved me into that vending machine...Ow. Okay gang, I gotta split. I have these football plays goin' on in my head and they're making me miss the team. Oh, and just for old times' sake ...Sunnydale...Rules!
1. When Buffy was wacked out cavegirl, but still like, went into the burning building to save everyone. Dude, that was so cool.
2. The way Xander handles a lighter.
1. Damn glad I got over picking on girls.
2. Buffy digs tv.
3. College guys prefer beer to 7Up, my drink of choice.
4. Sid's got sex on the brain.
5. I hate being dead.
The ABCs of Sunnydale